There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
