Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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