omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
