The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
