I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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