why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
