She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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