just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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