Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
