I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
