He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
