i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
