You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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