Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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