hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
