it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
