How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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