it's too hot outside to masturbate.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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