i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
