Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
