I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
