I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
