Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
