from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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