I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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