Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
