He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
