Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
