I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
