Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
