I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
