Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
