My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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