If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
