well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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