ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
