I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
