We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
