From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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