She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
