So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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