Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
