Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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