can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
