Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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