I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
