When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
