Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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