rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
