Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
