For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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