The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
