i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
