With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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