she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
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